Petunia's Anger and Potter Randomness
by Leilsel97
Summary: "Harry Snaps" redone. Vernon & Harry piss of Petunia. WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS: randomness, some swearing, tea with Orochimaru and Voldermort, a bit of perverseness Orochimaru is a pedophile , and violence


**Well I got a review on the original, I agree with you "Mrs. X", but I wish you had left your actual username so I could thank you for the useful review and ask you to read the improved version to see if you liked it. I mean this story went from 604 words to 1,043 words [not counting the extra-special blah blah] and I think it's a lot better now. I was irritated at my Mom, so I wrote that but I wasn't really paying attention. So I apologize to everyone who had to read the original because it was crap.

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Harry was minding his own business. He had cleaned the entire house (even Dudley's room) and done all his homework in hopes that the Dursleys would finally give him some peace. Harry had settled down on the couch in the living room and was about to take a nap when a piercing voice invaded his quiet haven.

"You!" snarled an angry thin woman as she pointed a boney finger in the scrawny boy's face, "horrible insolent brat! You left a speck of dust on the kitchen table! How dare you! I tell you over and over again to be careful when you clean the house!"

"But I-", stammered the boy his green eyes round with surprise, "I didn't see the speck of dust!"

"You weren't paying attention!" She accused angrily, "If you had been paying attention you would have seen the speck of dust!"

"Erm…", the boy scratched the back of his head, tousling his short, smooth, jet black hair.

"Erm! Is that all you can give me is a grunt!" She screeched, red pigmentation had began to appear prominently in her complexion. "I house you, I clothe you, I feed you! What if I treated you the way you treated me! Why do you act like this? You don't even listen to me!"

The woman's words irritated the boy, he glared at her coldly from behind his spectacles and with a calm voice laced with murderous intent he said, "Me, you say? How dare you! You don't listen to me when it doesn't suit you, you snap at me if I frustrate you and sometimes even resort to physical violence and you have the audacity", (Hermione taught him that word), "to call me out? That's absurd, that's bloody hypocritical! Auditory methods are the _worst_ for teaching me! I learn how to act by observing how others act and thank God I didn't observe you! You claim that I treat others differently than I treat you when you gush and goo and coddle your _Dudley-kins _like he's a newborn baby when you don't give a bat shit about me! I am so damn tired of you taking your anger out on me lest I make even the smallest mistake! I'm not some God-forsaken stress toy that functions as a maid! I CLEANED THIS WHOLE FREAKING HOUSE AND YOU YELL AT ME OVER A DUST SPECK FOR MERLIN'S SAKE! ALL I WANTED WAS SOME PEACE AND QUIET BUT YOU YELL AND NAG IN THAT WHINY ANNOYING VOICE OF YOURS JUST WHEN I WAS GETTING COMFORTABLE ON THE COUCH THAT I CLEANED!", by the time he had finished, Harry's face was red and he was panting for breath. Ron, who was hiding in the broom closet said, "Damn". And Hermione whacked him over the head for using such language.

Mr. Dursley, having heard a commotion rushed in, "What the ruddy heck is going on in here? I'm trying to watch espn!"

"I got tired of _your wife_ always treating me so horridly." Harry said pointedly.

"MY WIFE? HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THAT HIDEOUS THING TO MY WIFE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-"

"What?" Harry turned his head to see that he had accidentally cast a bogey spell on Mrs. Dursley, and well... she looked like a bogey. "HOLY BLAST ENDED SCREWTS! WHAT IS THAT?"

"WHAT DID YOU TWO JUST SAY ABOUT ME?", screamed an enraged Mrs. Dursley.

"Oh, _that's my_ wife?", Mr. Dursley unwisely said, "Aw man, now we're all gonna have to eat that awful melon diet again... oh crud, RUN! RUN EVERYONE! RUN IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES!" Harry and Vernon ran so fast, you could almost mistake it for them desaparating. Mrs. Dursley chased after them.

"HIT HER WITH ANOTHER ONE HARRY!"

"IMMOBULUS! WHY ISN'T IT WORKING? I HIT HER WITH ENOUGH SPELLS TO TAKE OUT HAGRID! FLIPENDO! LOCOMOTOR MOTIS! CUNFUNDUS! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! STUPIFY! OBLIVIATE!", Harry screamed. None of the spells that hit Petunia were working. Harry and Vernon ran even faster. They quickly turned a corner and hid in a broom closet. Sighing in relief they settled down as they heard Petunia charge past.

"Hey! We didn't invite _you _to the tea party!"

"Huh?" Harry turned his head to see Voldermort, Orochimaru, Dobby, and Kreacher having tea at a small round table.

"What are you doing in our broom closet?" Vernon asked.

"I invited them over for tea.", Dobby answered.

"Oh-kay... mind if we hide here for a while since Petunia is after us?"

"Sure!" Just then, they heard a loud screech when everyone rushed to the door. They peaked out the keyhole to see Petunia chasing after a confused Dudley. Everyone went back to the table and sat down trying to contain their laughter.

Orochimaru (being a pedophile) scooted closer to Harry who caught him and said, "Don't even think about it, locomotor motis!" Orochimaru's legs locked and he fell to the floor.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Harry didn't answer, he only grinned evilly as he, Voldermort, Dobby, Kreacher, and Vernon shoved Orochimaru out of the broom closet and right into Petunia before slamming the door shut. The group cackled evilly as they heard poor Orochimaru's screeches of pain. Their fun was short lived because Petunia yanked open the door glaring angrily. Voldermort and Dobby desaparated away. Left with no other choice, Dobby desaparated, taking Harry with him. Poor Vernon was left all alone with Petunia and Orochimaru (and Dudley, but he doesn't count because he is shivering under his bed and peeing himself).

And Vernon's screams were heard from Kumo to Hogwarts.

**~End~**

Ron closed the book to see Voldermort sleeping peacefully. "Aw, I knew he would sleep peacefully after a story like that.", Ron murmured to himself before tucking Voldermort in and leaving the room. He grinned and turned to Harry, "Hey Harry, I won the bet, you owe me fifteen pounds."


End file.
